A Time for Reflection

No One Dies Alone brings peace to patients and volunteers

Medical secretary RayCee Kolowitz sat at her computer with tears welling in her eyes. As she read an announcement on the intranet looking for volunteers for No One Dies Alone (NODA), her mind raced back to her cousin.

Nine years earlier, her cousin had a terminal illness and was in hospice.“I wasn’t there for her as much as I should have been,” Kolowitz says. “I can’t change what happened, but I can be there for others.”

So she joined NODA, a program that provides volunteer companions to comfort dying patients who otherwise would be alone. During the three in-depth NODA classes, she watched excerpts of a movie, “Wit,” about a woman diagnosed with terminal ovarian cancer and her journey through the dying process.

Kolowitz learned how a person’s senses of hearing and touch remain until the end, which is why a comforting presence is so important. And she learned what physical signs she might see when sitting by a patient. “I became more comfortable with the dying process; it’s not as scary to me,” she says.

Then a snowy February night came. A patient’s daughter called Katrina Hornberger, R.N., upset that she couldn’t get a ride in the snowstorm to be with her dying mother. “I assured her someone would be with her mom until she could get here,” Hornberger says. “I said, ‘If it’s meant for you to be here, a way will present itself.” Hornberger hung up with the daughter and called the NODA phone coordinator.

Shortly after, Kolowitz’s telephone rang. “I looked at the caller ID and knew who it was. They needed me to comfort a patient,” she says. Kolowitz laced up her boots and carefully drove to LVH— Cedar Crest. On the way, she wondered how she would react. “I thought, ‘What if I get sick or break down and cry?’ ”

An hour later, Kolowitz stepped into the patient’s room, relieving another NODA volunteer. “It seemed like she was having a restless sleep,” Kolowitz says. To comfort her, she first played soothing music. “But that didn’t work.”

So instead, Kolowitz read from a book of poetry she found in the NODA volunteer comfort bag and talked to her about the weather. “She stopped fidgeting and seemed more comfortable.”

After two-and-a-half hours, another NODA volunteer took Kolowitz’s place. As she went to sleep that night, Kolowitz thought about the patient and wondered what kind of life the patient had lived and what she was like when she was her age. “I knew I’d never get those answers,” she says. But Kolowitz did find an answer to the guilt that haunted her. “I don’t hurt anymore,” she says. “The guilt has lifted.”

Meanwhile at the hospital, Hornberger saw the patient’s daughter walking down the hall. “A way presented itself,” she said as the daughter stepped into her mother’s room to be by her side.

Want to learn how you could be a NODA volunteer? Call 610-402-CARE.

Whether it’s a family member or friend, there will probably come a time when you’ll have to comfort a loved one at the end of life. Here are some suggestions to help you:

• Share what’s in your heart. “Don’t be afraid to say what you’re thinking. Express your love and your thanks. If you have concerns, express them,” says associate chaplain Betsy Powers, NODA coordinator. “It’s important for you and your loved one to resolve all issues.”
• Be a comforting presence. Sometimes it’s enough to just sit by your loved one’s side and hold his hand so he doesn’t feel alone.

• Let your loved one know his life had meaning. Words such as, “You were the best brother I could have ever had,” or, “Thank you for being my friend,” help validate someone’s existence. “People want to feel valued and know they’ll never be forgotten,” Powers says.

Need a Volunteer to Comfort Your Patient?
Seventy-nine volunteers are available to provide round- the-clock coverage at all three sites. If you are caring for a hospitalized patient who is on comfort measures, has do-not- resuscitate status and is in the last 24-48 hours of life, please contact NODA.

On weekdays between 8 a.m.-4 p.m., contact pastoral care at 610-402-8465, press 1. For evenings, weekends and holidays, page the on-call chaplain at x0531.

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